Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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