How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
