he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
