My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
