what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
