Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
