dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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