I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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