How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
