I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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