Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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