if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
