I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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