everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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