Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You pole danced in your parka.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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