Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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