..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
