And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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