plz talk dirty to me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
