Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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