Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
