all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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