My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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