What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
