i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
