I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
