Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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