i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize