Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I skipped work to stalk him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
