she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
