Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
