my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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