We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
