I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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