We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
