I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
