it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
