Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
