Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
