omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
