Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
