as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
