So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
