he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
