Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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