I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize