well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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