guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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