peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
