3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
