saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
