i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
