I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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