I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
