Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
