3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
