I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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