Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
