so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
