i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
