He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
