Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
