Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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