i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
