yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
