By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
