My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
