omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
