Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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