Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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