I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
