If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Come on in and take your pants off
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