Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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