Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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