Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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