I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
