she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize