Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
