bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
