I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
