He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize