Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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