So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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