I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
