She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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